She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
