He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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