OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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