Just cropdusted the office
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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