If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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