quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
