your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
