i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
