Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
