But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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