we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
