real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
