Capitaan dildo arrescate!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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