It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
