At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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