Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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