I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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