she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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