I'm really into asian looking animals
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
