my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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