thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
