My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
