I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
