i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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