someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
