you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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