Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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