I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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