you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
