need another drink. this is the easiest way
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
