Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
