i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
