I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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