You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
