do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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