a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
