i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
