oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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