He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My cat gives me a boner
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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