I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
