I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
