I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
