it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
