I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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