I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
