My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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