I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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