Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
