Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
