The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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