So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
