Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
