I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
