Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
