I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
